rated the Club Hotel l\'Hermitage as follows:| Cleanliness |  | | Location | | | Staff | | | Food | | |
| Entertainment |  |
| said: When we decided our destination for our New Year holiday my wife spent several weeks comparing resorts and facilities that would be suitable for our two young children, which is why I'm writing this review. If we had been lucky enough to read a review like I'm about to write then it would have saved us £3000+!!! (I just hope I can get the horror story across before people stop reading, it will be worth your while to continue...honest)
We arrived at the airport in France and went to the car park to meet our personally assigned mini bus. The driver was waiting for as instructed ready to take us on the 2 hour approx journey (Crystal brochure guide line time) to our hotel. We arrived in our resort after 3 hours travelling (some traffic problems to be fair) but we were still in our mini bus 2 hours later as the driver had no idea where the hotel was 5 hours with 2 kids, thanks Crystal!!!
We arrived at the hotel which is where we met the hotel manager (I would like to refer to the manager as "Slothe" from here on in). He couldn't be any less energetic if he were dead. He grunted us to our room which is where the nightmare began. The room was across the road from the hotel and had the first impression of what it must feel like to be sent to Wormwood Scrubs (except the toilet was plumbed in....I think??).
The first room we came to was the Childrens bedroom. A nice room with NO WINDOWS OR DOOR!! The wall paper was hanging off and one of the beds was broken. The only other piece of furniture was a chest of draws...with no handles to open the draws so therefore pointless!!
The next room was the WC another nicely decorated room (I do hope your starting to get my sarcasim) the toilet bowl moved and all the pipework had been sent through the wall using dynamite (the hole was large enough to see into the ajoining apartment. (nice for our neighbours to meet us without leaving our room and we could swap toilet paper, should we run out. Crystal think of all possibilities, thanks Crystal)
The next room was the bathroom. This was quite a light room unlike the previous two which could have been lit better if I'd have held a match in the air!!, this one was different you actually see people in the room with you. The bath was approx 4ft long (I'm 6ft2" so not much room for me) but if Snow White goes skiing there, her friends would be over the moon!!! The shower was not much better it had a mind of it's own and felt like fighting a King Cobra.....water everywhere. One recommendation get in the shower before any of your neighbours as the water tank holds enough water for 2 full baths or 6 showers for the ENTIRE BLOCK OF APARTMENTS (6 in total). Late comers will be greeted by an artic shower....it's dog eat dog out there!!! There were no towels on our arrival, "Slothe" assured us he "would get them to us in 10 minutes" at 7.00pm.....they arrived at 3.30pm the following day!!
The (cough) "Master Bedroom"...(best 'til last and all that). This superior bedroom had 3 single beds (1 broken / 1 "wonky"). The wall paper was again hanging off 3 of the 4 walls. There were two wardrobes one pine effect with blue draws (again no handles on either the draws & doors) and an "MFI" wardrobe circa 1970, which was previously owned by Steptoe & Son I think. The feature of the room was the Radiator. It was approximatly 5 ft wide 2 ft deep and wait for it.........hotter than the Sun...no exaggeration!!. It dried our wet towels that we dried the bathroom floor with (on the second night obviously) before we went out for dinner (aprox 30 mins). The valve to turn it down had been snapped off and repaired by a "tradesman". He had wrapped blue electrical tape around it, so that no-one would know it was broken. He must of over looked the fact that human skin melts when within 3 ft of the bloody thing. Without exaggeration the radiator was so bad the room should be shutdown for health and safety reasons purely and simply for that alone. IT WAS A DISGRACE....my children where old enough to be aware and understand the dangers....but younger children would be at high risk.
Obviously upon finding ourselves in this "Hell hole" we didn't even un-pack our cases, we went straight back to receptirom to talk to "Slothe". We informed him that we were far from happy which is when his
"Craphole Hotel training" came to use.....he summoned all his training and customer services skills and said "Whats wrong with it?...it looked fine to me!"....genius! At this point I told him of ALL the problems and stressed that the radiator was a major issue. He said he would get it looked at straight away. IT WAS FIXED 4 DAYS LATER BECAUSE I MENTIONED IT ANOTHER GUEST WHO WAS A PLUMBER AND I BOUGHT THE NECESSARY TOOLS TO DO THE JOB. I went to reception every morning and evening and spoke with Slothe....he said the same thing everyday without an ounce of remorse....he was totally inept.
I also took my gripes to the hotel rep on day one and everday after. Nothing changed.....oh sorry.....something did change. They sacked the hotel rep on our 3rd day because he was a "moron"
Because of other issues with other unfortunate holiday makers the hotel went into meltdown (not because of our radiator I hassen to add) but because of other issues which will all come apparent.
I SINCERLEY HOPE THIS IS NOT TO BORING BUT IF IT SAVES ONE UNFORTUNATE FAMILY, IT WILL NOT BE IN VEIN.
The hotel was described like this:
" The popular L'Hermitage is a firm favourite with Crystal guests.......The Club Hotel has a small lounge and the Crowded House Bar is popular with hotel guests and locals alike and also has an added benefit of a games room with pool tables."
"Popular with Crystal guests"....yes, if they have the memory of a goldfish!!!
"The Club hotel has a small lounge"....no kidding, it had 1 two seat chair and 1 one seat chair and they were next to the hotel entrance which was combined with the reception or "Slothe's Cave" as we called it. The hotel sleeps 110!! .......3 seats between 110 guests....you do the maths.
But hang on I here you say..... there's the Crowded house pub?.....oh yes....theres the Crowded House pub, alright.
It's attached to the hotel but has no iffinity with the hotel in anyway other than a connecting door.
The pub is owned by a different person to that of the hotel. The clientel of the crowded house are as likely to been seen on an 18-30 booze cruise in the summer as they are in the Crowded House in the winter.
The manager has a German Shepard that roams around freely at all times of the day and his attitude towards guests of the hotel was that of contempt, he clearly hated kids in there and threw them out at 9.
The food on the first night was excellent and a surprise beyond belief compared to the rest of facilities, but that's where the highlights end. As the week progressed basic breakfast food stuffs ran out each and every day upto and including the last day. As the week progressed we were buying cereal, juices, milk, sugar, tea, coffee and by the end of the week we had no bacon or eggs. The reason for this was given because suppliers were failing to deliver. We were 150 yds from a supermarket!!!
We (each and every single guest) complained about their rooms and the food situation everyday. There were so many complaints they ran out of complaint forms on the second day. Everytime I approached a Crystal rep (other than the fired one) they told me the "AREA REP" would come an speak to me personally....she caught me on the last day as I kicked up a real fuss on the penultimate day.
In summary this hotel & Crystal made Basra look like Butlins at high season. Take these three words of advise when booking your holiday and your considering Crystal and/or The L'Hermitage:
AVOID! AVOID! AVOID!
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Jason Bowers from Worcestershire travelled to Club Hotel l\'Hermitage with
Crystal
on a family holiday.